A Reddit user turned to the community to ask if they were in the wrong for not wanting to name their daughter after her own sister, who had passed away at birth years ago.
A Tragic Childhood
The Original Poster (OP) shared that her parents had a daughter named Summer who was born with cancer and passed away at the age of 5 weeks.
Two years later, OP was born, and Summer’s memory remained very strong throughout her life.
Didn’t Have Great Parenting
Due to her parents’ heavy grief, OP’s relationship with them was complicated, and she didn’t receive great parenting.
They Always Brought Her Up
Every year on Summer’s birthday and most of OP’s celebrations, her parents cried, and Summer was mentioned frequently.
She Felt Less Important
At first, OP was interested in hearing more about Summer, but eventually, the constant mentions of her became suffocating and made them feel less important.
They Would Talk About Her More
OP shared that when her parents met new people, they often mentioned Summer first and talked about her the most.
For instance, if someone asked about OP’s grade or age, their parents would respond with comments such as “Summer would be in fourth grade” or “Summer would have been 13 today.”
They Were Angry With Her Request
During OP’s high school graduation celebration, she asked their parents not to mention Summer, which resulted in her parents getting angry with them for wanting to forget her.
OP took a break from her parents during college but later reconciled with them due to feeling guilty about the situation.
Last year, OP got married to Cael, and they are currently expecting a daughter
A Name Suggestion for the Baby
During a conversation, OP’s parents suggested that they name their daughter Summer, and Cael immediately agreed without giving OP a chance to respond.
When OP spoke to Cael about her doubts, he was surprised and ready to proceed with the name.
She Wanted to Come Up With a New Name
However, OP explained that she wanted their daughter to have her own name and not be burdened with the weight of Summer, who never had the opportunity to grow up, which was all her grandparents ever talked about.
He Tried to Get Her to See Both Sides
Although Cael understood, he urged OP to consider how loved their daughter would feel and reminded her that she had previously expressed her admiration for the name Summer.
She Did Not Want to Do It
Despite this, the name’s historical significance made OP hesitant to choose it.
She Made Them Cry With Her Conclusion
OP told her parents that they wanted their daughter to have a unique name, which made them cry but they didn’t give any comments.
They Continued to Persuade Her
A few days later, OP’s parents and husband approached them with a list of reasons why they should name their daughter Summer, hoping to persuade them to change their minds.
However, OP disagreed with the list, and an argument ensued.
She Kept to Her Own Truth
OP asserted that their daughter deserved to have her own identity and live her life, while their parents and husband believed that Summer deserved to be honored.
OP expressed that their daughter deserved to have her own identity and live life on her own terms.
However, Cael disagreed and argued that their daughter could still have her own identity even if they named her Summer, which was not an uncommon name.
Meanwhile, OP’s parents urged them to consider what their sister would have wanted and reminded them of how much they loved and missed her every day.
She Started to Cry Over It
OP suddenly broke down and started to cry, stating that she did not want to name their daughter after a sister they never knew.
Cael and OP’s parents believed that they were cruel to express their thoughts in such a manner.
Reddit Users Weigh In
Reddit users in this thread are overwhelmingly supporting the OP’s decision not to name her daughter after her deceased sister.
Many of them express concern over the OP’s husband’s lack of support and her parents’ unhealthy grief and obsession towards their deceased daughter.
Giving Her Advice
They advise OP to set boundaries with her parents and husband and prioritize her daughter’s identity and emotional well-being.
Some suggest that the parents may be using promises of inheritance to sway the OP and that naming the child after the deceased sister may make the child feel like a replacement.
Many users also recommend that the parents seek grief counseling.
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The post She Doesn’t Want to Name Her Daughter After Her Late Sister, She Doesn’t Want Her to Grow Up in Her Shadow Like She Did first appeared on Mama Say What?!
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