Relationships thrive on understanding, compromise, and mutual support, especially when partners have divergent beliefs or interests. In a recent Reddit post, a married woman was seeking advice on whether she was wrong for not attending a church event to support their husband.
She Left the Church
Nicole was a born Christian but later left the church for personal reasons. Her husband, on the other hand, is a devoted Christian.
Her Husband Was a Devout Believer
Nicole met her husband at church when she was vulnerable and looking for a safe haven.
Finding Comfort in Her Husband’s Hands
She was going through a horrible period in her life and didn’t feel as though the world was safe, but she found comfort in her husband’s hands.
Trauma in Her Past
Nicole, while not specified in detail, had faced both religious and personal trauma.
She Finally left the Church
She mentioned that the church was her parents’ church, and although she felt safe there at first, after some traumatic incidents, she stopped attending church.
She Questioned Her Faith
Nicole said that she questioned religion after studying philosophy at school. As a result, she physically felt nauseous just thinking about going to church.
The Problems Began
Nicole and her husband have different opinions on how supportive she should be of his church activities.
Differing Beliefs and Communication Challenges
He wants her to accompany him on a church mission trip and a related fundraising event, but she said she didn’t want to go because she is not a Christian.
Accused of Being Unsupportive
As a result, he claimed that she was being an unsupportive partner.
She Gave Her Reasons
Nicole opposes missionary activities saying that it is colonization. But he believes that she can simply support their nonreligious efforts.
The Value of Good Work With Differing Beliefs
They make improvements to people’s homes and communities, but she thinks their efforts are tainted because they feel forced to do so by their god and think there is no other faith that is legitimate.
Therefore, Nicole doesn’t think their good work is all that amazing.
Her Husband Took Money From Their Savings Fund
Nicole also said that at first, she thought of supporting her husband, but after she found out that he had paid for the mission trip by taking money from their savings fund, she was furious and told him a firm no.
Eventually, he left for the mission trip and remained angry with her.
He’s Not Supporting Your Beliefs
Nicole shared this incident with Reddit asking whether she was wrong for not supporting her husband and several Redditors sided with her saying that she was not wrong.
Support and Advice Amidst Belief and Trauma
One Reddit user wrote, “More to the point, you are not obligated to do anything that is going to be a trigger for your past trauma. Does your husband not know about this? Perhaps that is a discussion that needs to happen.”
Another Redditor commented, “You are being supportive of his beliefs but he doesn’t sound very supportive of your beliefs or the trauma you suffered. Be aware that this situation will not change so you need to do some hard thinking about whether or not you want to continue with this relationship where only his needs matter.”
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