Problem relatives are a nightmare, but reading a revenge story when they’re involved is always satisfying! This woman’s tale is years in the making, and she only achieved it with the help of her six-month-old baby. This is a hilarious read.
This Story Is Amazing
The original poster (OP), a woman in her late thirties, has just served up a delicious dish of revenge that she’s been marinating for two decades.
The target of her revenge is her cousin Laura, whom she despises.
A family gathering over Easter provided the perfect opportunity for OP to serve up her dish of revenge.
A Family Event
Various family members attended the gathering, including the OP’s “Aunty Di” and her daughter, Laura.
Laura was the daughter of Aunty Di, who wasn’t actually related to the OP’s family by blood.
She was married to the OP’s Uncle Ron, who had come out to Australia on the same ship as the OP’s father, and the two had been like brothers ever since.
Brother From Another Mother
Due to his frail health, Uncle Ron was now in a nursing home, and OP was his medical decision-maker.
Laura Is the Worst
OP makes it clear from the outset that she can’t stand Laura.
However, she loves her aunt and uncle, and as the medical decision-maker, she has to tolerate Laura’s presence.
Her Awful Excuse
OP had a laundry list of reasons for disliking Laura, but the edited highlights were that she did mean and hurtful things and then brushed them off with excuses.
For example, “I didn’t mean to” or “I was only trying to hell-elp” or “I’m just say-ing what I fee-eel.”
She Did What?!
One of the most hurtful things Laura had done was to try to stop OP’s sisters from attending their mother’s funeral 20 years ago because they were foster siblings and not “real family.”
This behavior has been going on for years, and OP has had enough of it.
Laura was also an Olympic hopeful in the heavy-weight competitive child-raising event, according to OP.
She seemed to be obsessed with proving that her children were superior to everyone else’s, even babies.
A Cross Frog Outfit
During the family gathering, Aunty Di and Laura arrived with a frilly green dress and matching bloomers for the OP’s six-month-old daughter, “Vampira” (she has two teeth, and likes fingers.)
While OP was busy settling in the adult guests and handing out chocolate eggs to the younger children, her partner Michael dressed Vampira in her new outfit.
Some Family Photos
Aunty Di had a cuddle with Vampira and asked Laura to take a couple of photos.
Laura started talking about how her Wonder Kids were able to sit up and “play the grand piano” at four months old.
They Asked for the Baby Back but She Ignored Them
When Vampira started getting squirmy and irritable, Michael said she probably had a tummy ache and tried to take her back.
Laura kept saying she was good with babies and that she would soon get Vampira settled.
Michael and OP told Laura in increasingly loud and firm tones to give Vampira back but she kept insisting Vampira would settle down for her.
She Brought This On Herself!
After a while, Vampira relaxed and gave Laura a toothy smile. Laura beamed back and said, “See, I told you!” But just seconds later, Laura shoved a wailing Vampira back at Michael and sprinted for the bathroom.
OP soon found out why.
She hadn’t told Laura that they had been introducing cereals into Vampira’s diet, and it hadn’t been going well.
Vampira had unleashed a poonami, which leaked out of her nappy, up the back of the new dress, and onto Laura. And it was one of her most odiferous efforts yet.
Vampira Was Absolutely Fine
Michael did a clean-up and complete outfit change and gave Vampira her favorite teething dragon, so she was soon happy-ish.
But the green dress and bloomers were beyond saving, and Laura’s top might not make it either.
And She Finally Got a Chance to Put Her in Her Place
At dinner, the meal started with pureed “veggie soup,” and OP’s middle sister offered Laura the chance to feed Vampira, given that she was “good with babies.”
Laura angrily declined, but OP used the opportunity to get her revenge.
Pretending to pout, OP accused Laura of hurting Vampira’s feelings and repeated the same excuse that Laura had used for her hurtful behavior over the years: “But she didn’t mee-ean to.”
Twenty Years in the Making
OP had been waiting nearly 20 years for her chance to say that back to Laura, and it felt good.
Reddit users loved this woman’s tale. One user said, “Oh my, that was dead on! And every time you see her for the next few years (or forever, your call), you get to sing-song say to your sweet Vampira, “Now what aren’t we going to do today?” and she says, “P00p on Laura!!”. And she’ll be so happy to say it because she knows it makes you laugh and laugh.”
What do you think about this hilarious revenge tale? Laura will certainly think twice before ignoring OP’s requests in the future.
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The post She Owes Her Baby a Debt of Gratitude After She Helped Her Get a “Load” of Revenge on a Pesky Cousin – After 20 Longs Years! first appeared on Mama Say What?!
Featured Image Credit: Shutterstock / riggleton. The people shown in the images are for illustrative purposes only, not the actual people featured in the story.