This is the tale of a sibling argument involving Carrie, a soon-to-be bride, and her trans sister, Ashley. Carrie took to Reddit to find out if she was in the wrong for not wanting her sister to wear a dress to a wedding. Let’s take a look at what happened.
Carrie and Ashley’s Close Bond
Carrie, at the age of 23, was thrilled about her upcoming nuptials. Her sister Ashley, three years her senior, had shared a significant life change with the family just recently.
Ashley Comes Out as Transgender
She had come out as transgender, a brave decision Carrie fully supported, having known about Ashley’s true identity for the past five years.
The sisters shared a close bond, so when Ashley decided to present as a woman for the first time in public at Carrie’s wedding, a conflict arose.
The Dress Message
Carrie received a message from Ashley showcasing her chosen outfit, a provocative, tight cocktail dress with a plunging neckline.
Ashley sought Carrie’s approval, but this only amplified Carrie’s existing concerns.
The Wedding Dilemma
Carrie, being the bride, had anticipated that her wedding day would primarily center around her and her fiancé.
However, she felt that Ashley’s public debut, especially in such a revealing outfit, would draw the spotlight away from them.
The prospect of her sister’s transformation becoming the talk of the day left her uneasy.
Carrie Shared Her Concerns with Ashley
Carrie shared her concerns with Ashley, explaining that she felt uncomfortable with her wedding being the platform for Ashley’s first public appearance as a woman.
She feared the attention would shift towards Ashley, overshadowing her big day. It wasn’t an easy conversation, but Carrie felt she needed to express her feelings honestly.
Accusations of Transphobia
This didn’t go down well with Ashley. She felt hurt and accused Carrie of being transphobic and craving attention!
Ashley’s Partner Gets Involved
Ashley’s girlfriend even reached out to Carrie, telling her how deeply upset Ashley was, urging her to apologize and accept Ashley’s attire.
Wedding Sanctity vs. Supporting Ashley
Carrie had a difficult decision to make. She wanted to support her sister’s journey but also wanted to preserve the sanctity of her wedding day.
She wondered if she had done something wrong. Should she apologize and give her blessing to Ashley’s outfit choice? Or should she stand her ground to ensure her wedding day remained focused on her and her fiancé?
Users Weigh In on the Dress Choice
Redditors responded to her dilemna en mass, offering advice and their thoughts. Many thought the dress Ashley had chosen was inappropriate for a wedding.
They also thought that a wedding was neither the time nor place for her to come out as trans, as it would detract from the big day.
One user said, “You’re absolutely right; making a statement like this for the first time would likely draw all of the attention from you. It’s like proposing or announcing a pregnancy at a wedding; you just don’t do it. This day isn’t about your sister; it’s about you and your fiancé. This boundary does not make you transphobic, but her refusal to honor it sure makes her selfish.”
Carrie and Ashley Find a Middle Ground
Days later, and following the advice of Redditors, Carrie and Ashley started talking things over by text. Carrie said she was sorry if she had made Ashley feel like she had to hide who she really was.
She told Ashley that she didn’t have any problem with her wearing a dress, but she felt that the dress Ashley had picked was a bit too flashy for a wedding.
Plus, she was worried that Ashley’s big change would take the spotlight away from her and her future husband.
Ashley listened to what Carrie had to say and then told her she felt like she was being pushed to come out, which didn’t feel good.
Carrie told Ashley that she loved her and would always be there for her. She and her fiancé then decided they didn’t care if others wanted to focus more on Ashley at their wedding. If that was the case, those people weren’t important to them.
Focusing on Happiness
Some folks had pointed out that Ashley would want to be herself in the wedding photos so she could look back on them with happiness, without any bad feelings.
This made sense to Carrie, and it helped her understand Ashley’s point of view a little better.
Carrie and Ashley Work Things Out
After talking things over, Ashley showed Carrie some other dresses she could wear. Some of them were still pretty showy, but others were just right in Carrie’s eyes.
There was no big showdown or anything like that. It was just two sisters working things out after a fight like sisters do sometimes!
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