A woman wrote to the Reddit community to get their perspective after being called disloyal for dating after the passing of her late husband.
A Perfect Family
OP (45F) and her husband, Tim, got married soon after finishing college. The first decade of their marriage was filled with happiness, and they had two children named Luke (21M) and Beth (19F).
A Battle With Depression
However, when they were in their 30s, Tim started experiencing severe depression and developed a substance use disorder involving alcohol and painkillers.
A Heartbreaking Loss
Unfortunately, his depression was resistant to treatment, which made it difficult for him to fight his other addictions.
Despite undergoing numerous inpatient psychiatric treatments and rehab programs, Tim passed away at the age of 40 due to an overdose. It remains unknown whether the overdose was accidental or intentional, and it’s unlikely that OP will ever find out.
Focusing on Family
Following Tim’s passing, OP’s main focus was on ensuring the well-being of their children. Despite Tim’s struggles, he was a great father when he was able to be present, and his loss was a devastating blow to the family. With the help of individual and family therapy, they were able to cope with their grief.
Luke was able to graduate from high school with high honors and even received a scholarship to attend college out of state. Beth, who also graduated with similar honors, is currently attending college in a different state.
She Starts Dating Again
Now that Luke and Beth are both adults and living away from home, OP can focus more on her own life.
It took her around three years after Tim’s passing before she felt ready to consider dating again. For the following year, her main focus was on helping Beth get through her final year of high school and transition to college.
However, once Beth started college in the fall, OP began trying out dating apps. Progress has been slow, and she has only been on about a dozen dates so far, mostly just first dates that didn’t lead to anything more.
There was one guy she went on four dates with, but they ultimately decided not to pursue a relationship as they didn’t feel a romantic connection.
A Big Blowout
The issue that OP is facing is that a week ago, one of Tim’s cousins spotted her on a date while she was at a restaurant. This cousin happened to be in town for business and coincidentally was dining at the same restaurant.
The cousin created a scene by approaching OP’s table and accusing her of betraying her late husband. This incident left the man OP was on the date with understandably confused. The cousin then stormed out and reportedly called Tim’s parents, who in turn called Luke and Beth.
Family Drama Continues
Everyone is now angry with OP for not informing them in advance that she had started dating again. OP’s reasoning was that she did not need to provide a detailed account of her dating life, especially if it could be hurtful to others. She believed that if she were to start seeing someone regularly, she would inform her family and friends.
Backlash for Moving On
As Tim’s parents live across the country and Luke and Beth are away at college, she didn’t think there was an urgent need to tell anyone.
However, according to Tim’s cousin, his parents, OP’s children, and other relatives and friends who now know, OP is in the wrong for not giving them a heads-up before moving on. They are all expressing their dissatisfaction with her actions.
OP is now wondering if she is in the wrong for starting dating again without telling any of her family members first.
Reddit Community Thoughts
Many Reddit users were for OP’s decision to start dating again and thought that she didn’t owe anyone an explanation for when/how she started to go out.
One user described the background of their father passing and finding out their mom was dating again when they saw a strange new car in the driveway. The commenter went on to describe that it is strange and painful to see someone dating after knowing their previous partner, but that it’s just a part of life.
Another Reddit user wrote “You are a grown woman with a right to a life and privacy. You owe no one the details of your life, not even your adult kids. Your cousin is a huge ** for the scene she made. Am sure everyone still feels the loss of your husband but that doesn’t mean they get to dictate how you live your life now. Well done for being brave. Keep going!”
What do you think? Did OP need to announce when she was going to start dating again?
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The post She Secretly Started Dating Again After the Death of Her Husband, Her Family Found Out and Accused Her of Being Disloyal first appeared on Mama Say What?!
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