A guy took to Reddit to find out if he was in the wrong for suggesting his wife lower her standards so she would be less overwhelmed. Their differing approaches to parenting have sparked a lot of tension, so let’s take a look and see what the community made of it.
A Household in Turmoil
Henry (38m) and his wife Catherine (37f) were parents to three kids, aged 12, 10, and 8. Life in their household had become a constant challenge, with Catherine often feeling overwhelmed and quick to irritation.
Overwhelmed and Irritated
She frequently expressed her dissatisfaction, explaining to Henry that she felt like everything was too much for her.
Efforts That Seem Never Enough
Henry was always willing to lend a hand and do his fair share when it came to the kids and their home, but it seemed like his efforts were never enough.
According to Henry, “It’s never enough because her standards are too damn high.”
To Rise Early or Not to Rise?
One source of conflict was the early morning routine. Catherine insisted that one of them had to rise at 6:45 every morning to ensure the kids were ready for school and caught the bus at 7:45.
Henry, however, believed that their children, at ages 12, 10, and 8, were more than capable of dressing themselves and preparing a simple breakfast. He argued that there was no need for them to get up so early.
But Catherine disagreed, emphasizing that cereal wasn’t enough, especially for their 12-year-old, and that their 10-year-old’s ADHD made mornings challenging. She also wanted to give them a loving send-off each day.
So, she took on the task herself, often feeling frustrated that Henry didn’t share this responsibility. Henry thought that Catherine could easily take a break whenever she wished, allowing the kids to handle things independently.
Screen Time Showdown
Another point of conflict was screen time during the week. Catherine was strict about limiting it to two hours a day, leading to frequent disagreements with the children.
Henry, while acknowledging the importance of varied activities, didn’t see the need for such a strict limit as long as they did their homework, saying, “Why not until bed?”
Weekend Outings vs. Relaxed Weekends at Home
Another gripe of Henry’s was that Catherine enjoyed planning weekend outings like trips to zoos and museums.
However, she found planning these outings and the actual outings exhausting, as their youngest child would always be grouchy by the end.
Henry suggested that they could have a more relaxed weekend at home, which would reduce the workload, but Catherine struggled to embrace this idea.
Henry was deeply committed to parenting and played an active role in their children’s lives. He wasn’t trying to avoid his responsibilities.
He felt that Catherine had dug her own hole by creating unnecessary stress for herself. He found it unfair that after all that self-inflicted hassle, she’d then turned to him for relief.
Suggesting Catherine Lower Her Standards
He had told her his view – she could ease her burdens by doing less. Catherine, however, disagreed.
So Henry took to Reddit and asked if he was in the wrong “for suggesting my wife lower her standards so that she’ll be less overwhelmed?”
Missing the Mark
Thousands of Redditors weighed in on Henry’s situation, and it was clear that the consensus was not in his favor. They generally felt that he was being unreasonable and neglectful in his role as a parent.
They firmly believed that Catherine’s standards for parenting were not excessively high, but rather, they reflected what many considered to be the bare minimum for responsible parenting.
Sleeping Through Responsibilities
To the Redditors, it seemed that Henry was missing the mark when it came to his duties as a father. The idea of Henry sleeping through the morning routine while his wife handled everything alone was met with criticism, with one user remarking, “You want to sleep in while your kids get ready.
You want them to sit in front of a screen instead of interacting with others. Exactly how are you an engaged and active parent? You literally sleep through part of their day and then want them to sit mindlessly without interacting with you for the rest.”
Laziness or Involvement?
The screen time limit of two hours a day was also a point of friction for Henry. However, the majority of Redditors viewed this limit as generous and reasonable, with a user saying, “Kids require a lot of work that you signed up for when you decided to have kids.
Her “high standards “are literally bare minimum. The screen time is so reasonable and good that she is encouraging them to be outside and have more of a childhood. Sounds like you want them to be tablet kids to get them off your back a little more.”
Balancing Parental Expectations
Redditors unanimously deemed Henry as the issue. They felt that Catherine was doing her best to meet basic parenting standards, and they saw Henry’s reluctance to support her as pure laziness.
Share the Parenting Load
One user summed the sentiment up by saying, “Instead of saying all of this is unnecessary and your solution being to stay at home, eat cereal and watch TV all of the time- try to be a more involved parent and partner and take some of the mental load from your wife.”
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