In today’s workplace, individuals often grapple with the decision of whether or not to disclose their sexual orientation. One Reddit user found himself questioning his actions after being accused of a breach of trust for not explicitly stating his heterosexuality to his co-workers.
He Started a New Job
The Original Poster (OP) is a 33-year-old who started a new job six weeks ago. During these initial weeks, he made some close connections with other trainees.
He Made Some New Friends
OP particularly grew to like Monica aged 33 and Yvette aged 26.
OP says he always found it to be easy to make friends with women as they were incredibly engaging, and inquisitive people.
They Had a Good Friendship
Yvette is heterosexual and Monica is a married lesbian.
They both talked about their dating and relationship experiences, but OP did not share his relationships.
He Didn’t Mention His Sexual Orientation
OP says he was not keeping his sexuality secret and that his relationships were just normal things that were not exciting for a conversation.
OP occasionally mentions his previous relationships, but he always referred to them as “my ex”. He did not specify the gender of his ex-partners, as it seemed unnecessary to do so. Plus, OP says he never once mentioned his sexual orientation.
OP shared an instance, where Yvette asked him to comment on people he thought were attractive in the workplace, but OP said he didn’t feel comfortable having that conversation in the workplace.
He Went on a Date
Fast forward to today and OP went on a date. He had a great time.
The situation took an unexpected turn when OP casually mentioned his successful date to Monica.
Yvette happened to be present; she wasn’t participating in the conversation because she was preoccupied with her phone.
Things Took a Turn
The following day, Yvette distanced herself from OP, prompting Monica to express concern.
Monica came over to see if everything was okay and told OP to go talk to Yvette when she returned.
She Felt as Though She’d Been “Preyed Upon”
OP discovered that Yvette felt a sense of unease, suggesting that the omission of OP’s sexuality was a breach of trust.
She believed that the personal information she shared may not have been disclosed had she known that OP was straight.
Yvette used words like “praying” and “feeling preyed upon,” indicating her discomfort with the situation.
He Tried to Explain
OP quickly withdrew and explained to her but she didn’t listen.
Then OP sent HR an email to explain himself to avoid any work problems.
He Discussed It With His Other Friend
When discussing the matter with Monica, it became clear that she did not assume OP was gay but instead characterized his behavior as evasive.
OP says he is not worried about any office drama because Yvette hasn’t mentioned anything to anyone else, but he still feels bad.
He Felt Bad About What Happened
OP says Yvette is a good person, and he detests the notion that he was being predatory in her eyes.
Disclosure Is Optional
He asked Reddit whether he was in the wrong in this situation and several Redditors sided with OP saying he was not wrong.
One Reddit user wrote, “You don’t have to disclose who you date, love, or [whatever]. What difference does it make if you were gay for Yvette to confide in you? Unless there’s a bunch here you’re not telling you’re not the [jerk]. If you are crushing on Yvette there might be a problem.”
Most Redditors support the idea that disclosing one’s sexuality is a personal thing that you shouldn’t have to point it out unless you want to. The accusations of OP being predatory are deemed to be completely off base.
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The post His Co-worker Thought He Was Gay and Befriended Him, When She Found Out He Wasn’t She Was Offended and Accused Him of “Preying” on Her first appeared on Mama Say What?!
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