A Reddit user asked the community if he was in the wrong for choosing to avoid his brother-in-law after he came out as gay.
Learning New Family Customs and Culture
OP’s wife Sandra (f27) and her family are originally from Spain, but currently reside in the US. Sandra’s parents, along with her three siblings – Ricardo, Ana, and Bruno – also live in the US, and everyone except Bruno is married.
Embracing Unfamiliar Greetings with Open Arms
Because of the cultural differences between Spain and the US, Sandra’s family practices certain customs that may seem unusual to Americans, such as giving a kiss on the cheek as a greeting.
Despite initially feeling uncomfortable with this custom, OP has grown accustomed to it over time.
An Announcement to the Family
Approximately two months ago, OP’s brother-in-law Bruno informed the entire family that he is gay.
Family Embraces Bruno’s Announcement With Love
OP has never harbored any negative feelings towards the LGBTQ+ community and never considered himself to be homophobic. He made sure to congratulate Bruno on his announcement, as did everyone else in the family.
An Uncomfortable Comment
During a family gathering after Bruno’s announcement, OP found himself in an uncomfortable situation.
Bruno made a comment in front of everyone, stating that if OP wasn’t married to his sister, he would “jump on” him.
The Comments Continue
Although everyone else in the room found it amusing, OP was uncomfortable with the remark. Later on, Bruno compounded the situation by complimenting OP’s buttocks, saying that they were “cute.”
It should be noted that Ana’s husband was also present during the gathering, yet Bruno only directed these comments toward OP.
He Expressed His Concerns to His Wife
Upon returning home with his wife Sandra, OP attempted to express his discomfort over Bruno’s comments during the family gathering.
He Failed to Understand
But Sandra dismissed OP’s concerns by stating that Bruno frequently makes such jokes and failed to understand why this particular instance was any different.
Starting to Avoid All Interactions With Him
The next time OP encountered Bruno was when he came to their home to take OP’s two eldest children to a baseball game.
Misjudged Kiss Leaves OP Uneasy
When OP opened the door to greet him, Bruno leaned in for a kiss, which OP realized was placed too close to his lips rather than on his cheek.
Dodging Physical Contact
Following this encounter, whenever OP and Bruno crossed paths, OP would feign illness or busyness to avoid physical contact, opting instead to shake his hand as a greeting.
They Started to Notice This Habit
OP’s wife recently approached him with concerns that her brother Bruno may have done something to upset OP.
She informed OP that Bruno had noticed his distant behavior towards him and was curious if he had done something to offend him.
She Dismissed These Comments
OP shared with his wife the same concerns he had expressed previously, including Bruno’s suggestive comments toward him and the uncomfortable kiss on the lips.
But Sandra dismissed OP’s feelings as an exaggeration and insisted that Bruno was just joking.
Wondering How to Proceed Next
Despite OP’s discomfort and reluctance to speak to Bruno about the matter, Sandra discouraged him from addressing the issue and even went as far as to threaten to lie to Bruno about the reason for OP’s avoidance if he continued to refuse physical contact.
As a result, OP is left wondering if he is wrong for feeling uncomfortable and unsure of how to proceed.
This Is Sexual Harassment
The majority of Reddit users agree that OP is not at fault for feeling uncomfortable with his brother-in-law Bruno’s inappropriate behavior.
Some users point out that if the roles were reversed and Bruno was straight, his behavior towards OP would be considered sexual harassment.
His Actions Were Unacceptable
Several gay men also weighed in, stating that Bruno’s actions were not acceptable and that making sexual comments toward family members is gross.
Many users expressed concern that OP’s wife dismissed his concerns and threatened to lie to Bruno about the reason for OP’s avoidance of him.
He Should Avoid Him
One user pointed out that objectifying and harassing people is not okay, even if the person being targeted is a man. Others agreed that Bruno was overstepping his boundaries and that his behavior towards OP was unwanted sexual overtures.
Overall, the consensus was that Bruno’s behavior was unacceptable, and OP had every right to feel uncomfortable and avoid him.
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