A Reddit user posted recently on the subthread “Am I the A**Hole,” asking if she was an AH for outing her son before he was ready to talk about it.
OP’s son has been keeping a deep secret for the past seven months. Despite presenting himself as a typical masculine and straight-acting 17-year-old male, he’s been in a romantic relationship with another boy.
This relationship is not something he’s been able to hide from his mother.
The telltale signs are all there – the baby talk, constant hugging, calling his boyfriend handsome, sharing clothes and cuddling, closing the bedroom door whenever they’re together, spending every day with him, and showering him with gifts. This is no ordinary friendship.
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One day, OP asked her son if he would invite his boyfriend on their family trip. Her son became visibly uncomfortable and told her that it wasn’t funny, that he was straight. OP found herself laughing at his denial, but the laughter quickly faded when she realized that he was being serious.
OP told her son that he was in a relationship with another boy and was hiding it poorly.
This admission brought about a strong emotional response from her son, and he begged her not to tell his father and became upset when she pointed out how obvious it was.
He felt that his secret had been outed before he was ready to deal with it, and he hadn’t spoken to his mother in a few days.
The weight of her son’s secret has become a heavy burden for OP as she grapples with the delicate balance between respecting her son’s privacy and providing him with the support he needs.
In these difficult and emotional times, she’s trying hard to navigate this complex and sensitive situation with care, compassion, and understanding.
The Reddit community drew the battle lines. While half were appalled by OP’s behavior, the other half said it wasn’t a big deal.
One Redditor wrote, “You took that away from your son. Instead of saying something to the effect of “If you are, cool – if not, cool. We love you regardless” you forced him to confront that identity before he was ready.”
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Another added, “It’s the laughing at him that gets me. How humiliating for him.”
On the other side of the fence, one user argued, “As a gay man, some of y’all need to get over yourselves. Yes, he had to come out at an unexpected moment, but maybe don’t suck so bad at hiding it?”
Colbaltaurus also said she wasn’t the A**Hole. He wrote, “Gay man here in agreement. I understand that there are good and bad ways to react to a coming out. I also understand that it’s considered rude to out someone.”
They continued, “However, the son outed himself. Did the mom say the perfect things? No. But she’s clearly unbothered and supportive. Having this conversation, awkward as it may be, is the first step to the son being comfortable being openly out with his boyfriend.”
What do you think? Was she pushing someone before they were ready? Is there a wrong or right way for a parent to deal with this?
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This article was produced and syndicated by Mama Say What?!