A Reddit thread recently went viral when a woman asked if she was wrong for not apologizing years ago to a girl she used to “bully.”
High School Friends
The Original Poster (OP), a 30-year-old female, described an awkward experience when she bumped into an old high school friend a work.
OP is a doctor and her new patient was a friend of one of her high school friends.
The situation came to light when her school friend came to visit her friend in the hospital. She saw that OP was in charge of her friend’s well-being and she wanted to say hi!
A Coffee and a Catch Up
The school friend was very persistent and after many attempts, OP agreed to “grab a cup of coffee and a friendly catchup” with her on her break.
The Good Old Days
They talked about the good old days – school friends, teachers, classes, and crushes- as you do when you bump into an old friend. But they also talked about where they were in life now.
Her school friend had a husband and two kids. When she asked OP about her situation, she openly told her that she had a wife and a four-year-old daughter.
Everyone Loves Photos!
Upon hearing this, her school friend was very excited! She asked if she could see some pictures of her and her wife and kid. OP was obliging and showed her a couple.
After that, her school friend laughed and said, “this whole thing is so ironic, considering that you used to bully me back in the day!”
Back in the Day
OP was dumbfounded. She explained that back in the day, way back in high school, her friend was more or less a tomboy while she was a cheerleader.
OP didn’t know any better (like many kids) and acknowledged she used to be quite cold toward her. When other kids used to talk about her friend’s sexuality, OP would never say anything to stop them, something she regrets.
She Was Complicit
Her other friends teased her school friend for being “gay” even though she wasn’t. OP admits that by not coming to her defense or saying anything, she essentially went along with it.
But She Regrets It All
OP admits that she used to be rude and judgemental and is not at all proud of how she used to be. In fact, she couldn’t be more ashamed and would never stand for that sort of thing now that she has grown up.
She emphasizes that she never made any comments and was a silent bystander but admits that it was a horrible thing to do.
She Immediately Apologized!
When her school friend called her out for bullying, she was shocked but said she was deeply sorry for not being a good friend back then and apologized again.
She told her friend, “I was a confused closeted girl who had no idea what she wanted. I didn’t know what I wanted until I met my wife. I wish I could take it back, and make it up to you.”
Her Friend Was NOT Impressed
But her friend didn’t take kindly to this apology. She said she’d only received an apology after she bumped into OP randomly and asked why she’d never tried apologizing through social media.
Social Media Blackout
OP explained that she doesn’t use social media much and reiterated that she was sorry and didn’t know any better – after all, she was 15.
She told her friend, “I honestly didn’t think you’d want to be reminded of any of this or care about any of this information about my life. I also didn’t think you would receive an apology well over social media out of the blue.”
Was This Uncalled For?
Her friend called her an entitled jerk who “could get whatever she wanted from life.” She said she should have apologized a long time ago. She stood up, grabbed her bag, and stormed out.
As she left, she told OP, “I genuinely hope you’re a better human because your wife and daughter deserve better than the person you were back then.”
Who Was the Bully in This Situation?!
OP felt her friend had given her a false sense of security by inviting her for a chat, only to bring up events from when they were kids to make her feel bad about it. She wanted an apology, and she got an apology – but it wasn’t enough for her.
Even though OP explained that she was just a confused kid, her school friend had expected more from her.
A Bizarre Emotional Experience
This exchange took an emotional toll on OP, and they wanted to ask Reddit’s opinion. She couldn’t decide if she’d handled it well or if she was indeed a horrible person for not apologizing over social media.
Redditors Have Their Say
The Reddit community stood with the storyteller and thought her school friend came across as the bully here. They said her friend had acted deceitfully and took offense to her insulting OP after they’d apologized wholeheartedly.
One Redditor agreed with OP’s reasoning, saying, “Hell, a lot of people do not like it when a bully tries to insert themselves into their lives, years later, just to absolve themselves, just ’cause they want an “I forgive you” because it just opens up old wounds.”
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The post She Was Called Out by an Old Friend for Being Complicit in Gay Shaming in High School, Only to Later Come Out as Gay Herself. Was It Too Late for an Apology? first appeared on Mama Say What?!
Featured Image Credit: Shutterstock / Anatoliy Karlyuk. The people shown in the images are for illustrative purposes only, not the actual people featured in the story.